


Can You Hear?

by Astha6069 (AllegraRiiz)



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Heavy Angst, M/M, Tragic Romance, Yaoi, basically angst, businessman!yukio, police!daiki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-04-24 19:57:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19180339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllegraRiiz/pseuds/Astha6069
Summary: A commission from Frederico Hill on FacebookDon't use/reupload unless you're the commissioner!!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A commission from Frederico Hill on Facebook
> 
> Don't use/reupload unless you're the commissioner!!

_That loud, static sound as well the long line on the monitor is the sign that Yukio’s darkest nightmare is no longer a nightmare. His heart stops beating for a moment, his breath choked on his throat. Anything besides that green line turned gray, and his hearing is blocked completely._

_He isn’t the one got his lifeline cut by force, but the moment that white sheet covering the body, his soul died together with the one behind this door._

======

“What? Again?”  
‘I know what you gonna say, my bad.’ Yukio can hear the tired sighs Daiki trying to hide from the other line, ‘But you know, this's my biggest chance to catch them. You bet I don't wanna miss it.’

It's not like Yukio doesn't understand. Still, deep down he’s hoping someone else will take Daiki's place.

“I understand.” Yukio says in the end, “Just don't force yourself.”  
‘Yeah, thanks. You too, don't stay up too late.’

Daiki hung up right after saying that. Yukio doesn't even mad, as he has nothing to say left. The absence of that figure is what bugging his mind. Seeing Daiki in his busy schedule is out of the question. His voice is the only thing he has left to slowly washed away the piling longing. Yet again, how long can it last?

How long can he last?

It's been a couple of weeks since the last time Daiki was inside their shared apartment. Another high classified case Daiki had to deal with, more days he had to spend in his office. They still had lunch together on the first week, but then it's getting harder for Daiki to even maintain contact. He has been here and there, somewhere in this country which location he can't share with Yukio. It's still fine. At the very least, there's a text from him even just one.

The quiet living room of the apartment started to feel uncomfortable. It's not even that spacious, but it feels hollow. Not small enough either, but kind of suffocating. The warmth has gone somewhere, maybe left together with Daiki that day.

Yukio snorts from the last train of thoughts. He doesn't need to deny it, but Daiki's absence makes him uncharacteristically sentimental. He's not a high school girl who’s madly in love. A grown man like him should be able to deal with such a matter. And there won't be any change if he keeps pondering by himself instead of confronting Daiki. They need to meet, not only to release the yearning they both feels, but also to talk about that important thing.

His hand stopped writing as he thought about that topic. When Daiki brought it up almost a month ago, he couldn't say anything in return. He wasn't ready to hear it, both in a good and bad way, and ended up giving a negative reaction. Good thing Daiki understood he was just being unprepared.

He sighs and put down his pen. The coffee he made is now turned cold, as cold as his hands and feet. It's almost winter. The wind blowing brings in the chill enough to makes him want to curl under the blanket. But he knows if he did, he won't get the warmth he’s looking for. Shutting all the doors and windows is just his pathetic excuse to protect himself from the harsh weather. Yukio knows, the building is not at fault. 

He's just missing Daiki too much.

======

Catching a big syndicate is never easy. They have eyes and ears everywhere. The local thugs who will do just anything to be a part of their group, the government they bribed, and those civilians who're too scared to fight back, is like a never-ending all-rounder battle. It’s not an aggravation to say, Daiki’s squad is by themselves, as the high rank in the police force itself is mostly corrupted thanks to the high bribe.

‘Captain, we’re ready.’

Daiki unlocks the trigger of his gun, readying himself as soon as his men contacted him through their communication device. The place is quiet, too much to his liking, as if there’s something amiss. Only a few guards found, and none of them is skillful enough to do their job as ‘guard’.

‘Boss, don’t you think something is strange?’

Daiki said nothing. It occurred to him that maybe the information they got is leaked, or worse, a trap. Still, doesn’t mean he can just ignore the fact that they finally got a lead after months kept in the dark. Trap or not, false or not, something is obviously being hidden in the deepest part of this building.

‘Is there a chance that the informant was a fraud?’  
“Unlikely. Stop blabbering and focus.”  
‘Yes, Sir.’

Daiki starts moving, following the route his team agreed on based on the blueprint given to him by Imayoshi. Everything is exactly like Imayoshi explained and pictured, there’s no way he’s betraying him.

_‘And he has an important reason to help.’_

Daiki thought, as he waits for his man to pick the lock. He fixes his bulletproof vest, tightens his grip around his gun. He can faintly hear a sound of something from inside. Whatever it is behind the door, he will get his proof.

As soon as the door opened, he went inside. In front of him is the witness disappeared a few weeks ago, tied on a chair, with time bomb is strapped around his body.

Less than 20 seconds left before the bomb explodes.  
Not enough time to save the witness.  
He doesn’t even have the time to save himself and his team scattered in the building.

“BOMB!!!!”

His only option is to jump out of the window from the 3rd floor he’s currently in. Seeing the complexity and total amount of bombs strapped to that guy, it will be enough to set the whole building on fire. He has no idea how many of his men can survive, as the explosion throws him out farther even when he already jumped out, and he badly landed on the nearest bush. Lucky enough.

The heat from the burned building, pain from being thrown from the 3rd floor, his bad landing, ringing ears and head, he has no time to worry which part of his bone is broken. He looks around, found body parts of what he guesses is his own men. Judging from how badly it turns out, there’s a big chance more will come to wipe him out. He needs to get out of this place.

As he forced himself to get up, dragging his legs and run to hide, he suddenly remembers about that text message he failed to send to Yukio that evening.

======

Yukio doesn’t believe in superstition. When his hand accidentally got cut a little as he prepares his dinner, or when Daiki’s favorite poster fell from its hanging place, or when the only picture of him and Daiki together cracked its frame for no apparent reason, he still refuses to believe those are a sign of bad omen. As much of how unusual things are, he believes it’s all coincidence. There’s no scientific proof to be worried about trivial things.

He forced himself to think logically.

‘I’m not sure, Kasamatsu. I know where he went, but I'm not allowed to tell anyone nor contact him on site, unless he’s the one calling.’

That was what Imayoshi said to him when he asked about where Daiki might be currently at. He didn’t push further, knew that it might be hard as well for Imayoshi to be the illegal informant dealer for Daiki. Besides, not being able to reach Daiki is not something strange anymore. Yukio would be lying if he said he’s not getting used to the unhealthy tendency.

It’s already the 3rd days since the last time he got that phone call. There’s no text at all, even though Daiki already read his message. He doesn’t know if Daiki just forgets to reply, or because he has no time yet. There’s no way to find out.

When his phone ding, a sign there’s a message coming, he doesn’t think it might be from Daiki. Another ding sounds, twice, but Yukio ignores it as he’s dealing with important work. The amount of notification tone coming is another reason for him to not checking right away. The one spamming his inbox with an unimportant message is usually Kise anyway. It soon will be his break. He will scold Kise by that time.

======

_‘There’s no reply…’_

Daiki staring at the battery percentage of his phone. His SOS already sent, but he needs to keep his device on to give his current location. The plan was a total failure, and he has no idea how many of his men still alive, how many loses their lives. He starts cursing inwardly, blaming himself for being impatient. He’s the one always telling his men not to throw their only lives carelessly, yet he ended up always the one sending them to the hell’s gate. As he thinks of how many doors he needs to knock, how many wives he needs to bow to, and how many children with a confused look he needs to face, the bitterness only adds more pain to his untreated wounds.

His mind is wandering to his own apartment. The small quarter where he shared his daily life with Yukio after kicked himself out of his parent’s house, is the heaven he afforded after much blood and sweat he shed. Putting aside the fact that he reached the age to live by himself, his parent’s resentment towards Yukio was the main reason why he left.

_‘It’s his fault!’_ His mother screamed as her tears pouring out of her wrinkled skin, _‘It’s his fault you can’t be normal! There’re so many women out there yet you choose a man instead! He must be the one corrupted your mind!’_

He refused to hear the rest, leaving without even looking back. He had to ask Momoi to send his things to his new apartment because he didn’t want to hear another word about Yukio coming out of his parents’ mouth. It burned his ears, and only added more wound to his young and hot-blooded self. Yukio has nothing to do with his preference. He was the one chasing and cornered Yukio until Yukio gave in. if his parents can’t give up and accept it, then he decided to be the one giving up. Giving up staying as their son.

Cutting ties with his parents wasn’t easy, and even after he managed to made peace with himself, the storm still hasn’t passed yet. His low performance at work, tight living expenses, bills, and many more things which made him hoped he can stay as a child, just so he won’t be burdened by living.

Around that time, Yukio was his only support. He was too stubborn to admit he can’t stand by himself, refused to accept the help offered by his old friends. He was young, after all. His ego is still as high as the mountain. The thought of wanting to get back at everyone clouding his mind. He just wants to show that his sexual preference doesn’t make him less human. Of course, he ended up getting caught in an endless quarrel with Yukio, because he pushed himself too far again. His pride prevented him from back down, and the clashes he had with Yukio was like the routine in his life. Thinking back at it now, it’s a miracle Yukio didn’t leave him like anybody else did.

“Yukio...”

He murmurs under his breath.  
He missed Yukio, that much is obvious. Even as he devotes himself to work like right now, it doesn’t change the fact that the absence is bugging his mind. He wonders if Yukio feels the same, and thinking about him the same way in between works like he usually did. He missed the static routine where they head home together and bickering while deciding what they will have for dinner. The food, as much as important it is to fill his stomach, the monotonous activities are what makes it precious to him. Those moments when he secretly staring at Yukio from the other side of the table is what he missed the most.

Just when was the last time he returned home and have dinner together with Yukio? When was the last time they both chilling in the living room? When was the last time the cuddled on the bed and ended up fallen asleep?

When was the last time he had Yukio in his arms?

In all honesty, the memory becomes so vivid, he isn’t sure if it’s not his daydream. He can still remember the small details, both happy and sad times they went through, as if it happened yesterday. He can clearly picture Yukio’s angry face, Yukio’s laugh, Yukio’s expression as they made love, the way Yukio call his name…

_I love you_

He sent that text unconsciously. The longing is now crushing his mind and heart. He wanted to see Yukio so much, even more so in this condition. His frustration over the failure and the guilt for running away by himself, his broken body couldn’t match the pain he feels in his soul. The freezing upcoming winter indirectly helping him from dying out of blood loss, but it doesn’t help to make him forget the coldness from inside. His slowly depleted energy gets him long for Yukio’s presence, few times fold that he usually is. He just never say it, both Yukio and him. They never speak their love out loud. The lonely fact makes him want to go home even more. 

His trembling hand typing another message. He knows it’s so uncharacteristically of him, but he needs reassurance. He needs to ask that one question both of them used to diss. The one question he and Yukio never ask to another as they need no words to understand. But not doubt nor distrust are the reason why Daiki ended up asking. He just wants a little sweet nothing to help him get through the hardship, as right now he started to give up in the midst of his clouded mind. He wants to hear the answer even though he knows Yukio might not saying it. Still, it doesn’t stop him from trying, from hoping he can get the answer he’s seeking.

His distracted mind made him late to realize that someone, something, is coming. It happened within seconds, with no sound nor sign. His reflex already dulled, thanks to the wounds all over his body. He can’t dodge what hit him, stunned to see another stream of blood is flowing from the new hole in his body. Where was it come from, he has no time to find out, not even have the energy to stop himself from falling on the ground. 

His tight grip around his phone, by accident pushed the ‘send’ button, sent the message he typed a moment ago, delivered to the recipient right before it forcefully turned off.

_I love you, Yukio._   
_Do you love me too?_

=====


	2. Chapter 2

The news came like a rumble of thunder.

“It’s a joke, right? You always love keeping up with a dark joke like this.”  
“I wish it’s just a joke, Kasamatsu.” Imayoshi’s voice is gloom, eyes stuck on the floor, “But unfortunately, it’s not.”

Yukio feels like he lost his footing. A couple of days ago, he still received a text from Daiki. The content is strange, he found it strange since it comes from someone like Daiki, and he didn’t properly give any answer. And even though his reply is still left unread, he thought it’s because Daiki is busy. He doesn’t think much about it, knowing how dangerous the job is. But…

In critical condition? Went into comatose?  
No chance of waking up?  
What kind of sickening joke is this?

“Kasamatsu, you hear me?”

Yukio lifts his head. Confusion and disbelief are all written on his face. Imayoshi had no heart to continue. Whatever he said before, Yukio obviously too shocked to hear. He was about to ask if Daiki said something to him, anything related to the case Daiki is currently working on. But seeing how pale Yukio is, he decided not to ask. It’s better to give Yukio some time alone.

“I’ll be in my office. If you need anything, just call or text.”

With a comforting squeeze on Yukio’s shoulder, Imayoshi left Yukio in the apartment alone. Yukio himself still stuck in his spot. His brain failed to process all these messed up information. He didn’t even ask what happened in the field, who hurt Daiki, when did he found, where he is currently at. Too many things passing through his mind, he doesn’t even particularly think anymore. It’s just blank.

Daiki’s last message popped up in his mind.

_I love you, Yukio._   
_Do you love me too?_

What… is that supposed to mean?  
It’s not a parting message, is it?  
It’s not some kind of childish game common couple loves to play, is it?  
It’s not a puzzle he needs to solve, is it?

It’s not…  
It won’t be the last text he ever received, will it?

Yukio doesn’t know how long has he been sitting there. When his mind returns to reality, the first thing he did was to call Imayoshi. Just to be safe, Imayoshi agreed to meet in the hospital, since mostly Daiki’s parents will be there. If they see Yukio coming, there’s no telling what kind of insult they will throw at him.

In his way to the hospital, Yukio’s hands and feet are cold. His mind relentlessly telling himself that everything is fine. That soon enough Daiki will open his eyes. He doesn’t know how grave Daiki’s condition. He didn’t ask, too scared to find out. 

His mind involuntary counting every wound in Daiki’s body he can remember; the graze, the stab, the gunshot, the bruises, those healed in time and those leaving scars. He has seen blood on Daiki, both on the clothes and body. It was scary at first, but he soon enough getting used to it. He‘s much calmer in the recent years, will quick on helping cleaning and treating the injury. It doesn’t help him feel less scared, just calmer. Freaking out will not help the dried blood disappeared.

_Just a gunshot. It’s not the first time, relax. He’s strong enough to keep with his stupid grin even after being stabbed. He’ll be fine._

The more he speaks inside his mind, however, the more restless he becomes. Who to believe anymore, he doesn’t know. The news about Daiki went into comma has reached their old acquaintances. Many people who knew about their relationship has been sending him texts, which he ignored. The commotion only adds more to his growing anxiousness. It’s better if he pretends like he had no idea.

Despite, in reality, he really has no idea.

“Kasamatsu.” Imayoshi waves at him, “Sorry. His mother already here-- Kasamatsu!”

Yukio ignores him and just went into the building. Who cares if he ended up being yelled at, he just wants to see. Imayoshi’s calls don’t stop him. Daiki’s parents already in his sight as he enters the corridor. He noticed that angry glare and spiteful stare, but he could care less.

_Please be alright._

But what’s visible through the glass wall is like the worst sight he ever witnessed.

“What is he doing here?! Get out! Stay away from my son!”

Yukio ignores the harsh tug in his clothing. His eyes stuck as well as his legs. Just… What kind of things did Daiki deal with to end up in such conditions?

“Kasamatsu…”

Yukio glares at Imayoshi and grabs his collar. His hand trembles from anger. This’s not like what Imayoshi said.

“You lied to me. It’s not a gunshot wound. What happened?”

Imayoshi’s eyes hardly seen through the glasses. 

“It’s a gunshot, I didn’t lie. Just… not just gunshot.”  
“What else?”  
“....Bomb.”  
“WHAT?!”  
“It was a trap.” Imayoshi sighs, took that chance to break away from Yukio’s loosened grip, “He’s the only one survived. But I’m not even sure if I can say he’s survived.”

Imayoshi glance at him for the last time before went to Daiki’s mother who frantically still saying mouthful of insults. In the end, he can only drag Yukio away to avoid the bigger commotion. At the very least, Daiki’s parents trust him enough to let him go freely. He can make some time for Yukio to enter later, when things much calmer.

Yukio has been silent all the way. The frown on his forehead goes deeper, and his body is tense from head to toe. He keeps coming even if Daiki’s parents blatantly kick him off. He visits before work, in between his break, after work, there’s no day when he doesn’t show up. 

Daiki’s condition has been getting better albeit no sign of him about to waking up soon. The bandages one by one being taken off. Now at least, Yukio can finally see that peacefully sleeping face. The hoses going around Daiki’s body still there. He tried to pretend like he didn’t see it, but it’s impossible to do so. He knew, without them, Daiki is pretty much dead. That fact, he also trying hard to ignore it.

The insults and curses become his daily thing to hear whenever he comes to visit. He ignores it, giving his polite bow every time, and watches how Daiki still asleep inside his nursing room. Sometimes what he received is not only verbal assault, but also claws and hits. He endures everything, just so he can see Daiki another day.

The unusual reaction coming from Daiki’s parents, Imayoshi’s way of dealing with things, his own passiveness, no need to wait long for the truth about his relationship with Daiki revealed to the public. The harassment now doesn’t come from relatives alone, but also from other sides. Yukio ignores everything, not even batting an eyelash and will only talk to Imayoshi.

He comes for Daiki.  
He will only spend his energy on Daiki.

For days he visits in silence.  
Days turned into weeks.  
Weeks turned into months.  
Without him noticing, a couple of years has passed since then.

Never once Daiki moves his finger, let alone opens his eyes.

“What..? What did you just say?”

Imayoshi’s face is grim. It’s hard for him to be the middleman like this. But he has to.

“They’re… His parents have given up. They’re planning to pull his life support.”  
“They can’t… They can’t do that.”  
“They can. The decision is in their hands.”  
“It’s not their right to choose! He’s still alive!”  
“I understand your frustration. But at this rate, keeping it also--”  
“So what?? He might be woken up! What if he opens his eyes someday but can’t because you rob his support??”  
“You heard the doctor. His brain cell has…”  
“He’s still alive! He’s still breathing, can’t you see that??”  
“He breathes because of those machines!”

Yukio grit his teeth in anger. Imayoshi sighs, tired with the endless conviction which fruits none. It frustrated him even more because he understands why each side stubbornly insisted on their choice and opinion. If only all understand that he’s the one in a tight spot.

“There’s also another thing you need to consider. Keeping him alive costs a lot.”  
“Then I’ll pay.”  
“How long? You’re not a millionaire. How long can you keep up until you run out yourself.”  
“I don’t care, I’ll pay.”  
“As I said, that’s not the point. You… Kasamatsu, you better forget him.”

Yukio snapped.

He couldn’t remember what he said as a retort. The commotion he caused not only dragged Daiki’s relatives who have been keeping an eye on him. They even call the security to kick him away. Because of the feud between him and Daiki’s parents, he’s more or less given warnings. If he keeps on it, soon enough they won’t even let him enter the building. At this point, however, nothing left in his mind aside of the thought about keeping the support from being pulled out.

It’s fine if it sucks his wallet. There’s nothing else more important that Daiki’s life at the moment.

But then, what can a single man do?

“Please… I’ll handle the bills, just…”  
“It’s been a couple of years. Why can’t you let him go?”

Daiki’s mother’s voice doesn’t have that much vigor anymore. It has turned cold in recent months.

“He left the house for you. He left us, for you. What else you need now? He is my child. I gave birth to him, raised him, and he left for someone like you. How long have you been together? Not even once he comes to see me. And when I can finally meet him, it’s only his body.”

Yukio keeps his mouth shut, keep his head low nearly touch her foot as he kowtows.

“It’s been a couple of years, and I can only see his body. He’s… I don’t want to do this, but I don’t want to keep him feeling the pain. How could you… how could you still…”

Yukio doesn’t budge. He listens to her cries from his position, deep down wants to be the one crying for all the things he bears. Yet no matter what, the tears just won’t come out. He disturbs no one’s life, yet he has to be the center of their assault just because he’s born as a man. He has long stopped questioning himself, but doesn’t mean the pain will also come to a stop. It lingers, deeper as time passed.

“Leave. I don’t want to see you ever again.”  
“Ma’am--”  
“Leave!!”

He had no choice but to stand and leave. He will return later at night, like he always did.

As usual, there’s always someone inside the room. Yukio never grows tired from begging them, even if he ended up being ignored. He was ready to bows again in front of Daiki’s mother, but he couldn’t find her. And there are more people around unlike days ago.

“Kasamatsu.”

Yukio turns around, surprised to see Imayoshi is there as well. He doesn’t want to leave yet, but Imayoshi kind of forcefully drags him away. The talk they had are not something they never speak about. As always, Yukio insists on keeping the treatment. And as always, Imayoshi will turn him down. They no longer head-butt, but the fed-up tension is clear between them.

“You know my answer. Stop asking.”

Imayoshi gives him a look but says nothing. The purpose of this talk is not to make Yukio giving up, but… something else much more important.

“I know you won’t budge.” Imayoshi looks out of the window, “But you’re not the only person with such thought.”  
“I won't give up.”  
“Neither they will.”  
“Then be it.”  
“It’s not about who can keep with their opinion, Kasamatsu. I’m sure you realize that from the beginning.”  
“....It’s not like I have other choices. I… have too many regrets.”  
“Aren’t we all?”

Yukio was about to say more, but the commotion caught his attention. He turned around, see the medical staff inside Daiki’s room and his relatives. His mother also inside, crying, trying hard to keep herself together. The unusual sight puzzles him, but soon enough he noticed what’s happening.

He runs, pushed away whoever in his way.   
His screams begging for keeping the nightmare from happening, he couldn’t even hear it. Many hands stopping him from getting inside, not enough to fully stopped him in his tracks, but enough to prevent him from doing things. Whatever to slow him down will do. His desperation outgrows him as well. The thing he keeps seeing in his dreams, he now sees it again. Unless, this time it’s not a dream.

When he stepped inside the room, the support has been plugged off.

That loud, static sound as well the long line on the monitor is the sign that Yukio’s darkest nightmare is no longer a nightmare. His heart stops beating for a moment, his breath choked on his throat. Anything besides that green line turned gray, and his hearing is blocked completely. He isn’t the one got his lifeline cut by force, but the moment that white sheet covering the body, his soul died together with the one behind this door.

It’s like… The whole thing went into slow motion.

He didn’t even fight back when he got dragged away. His eyes still stuck on that wooden door, couldn’t believe what he just heard and seen. He can feel the strong grip around his arm dragging him, the screams cursing him, the cries, the commotion, everything. What’s still playing inside his mind is how that green static line visible from the corner of his eye, the white sheet covering the body, the closed door, it’s rolling on repeat like a broken record. 

He hazily caught Imayoshi’s face, trying to say something to him with no avail. What is it? Why was he here again?

“Kasamatsu!”

Imayoshi shook Yukio’s body really hard, forcing Yukio to snapped out of his thoughts. When their eyes finally met, Imayoshi couldn’t hide his sadness any longer. He hugs Yukio, ignoring that confusion on Yukio’s face.

“I’m sorry… I was taking part in this too…”

Yukio couldn’t understand. Why is he, Imayoshi, suddenly trying to console him?

“Daiki--”

Imayoshi tightens his hugs, stopping Yukio from going back to the room.

“Let go of me, Imayoshi. They’re going to--”  
“They did.”

Yukio fell silent.

“They did, Kasamatsu. They pulled his life support. He’s not here anymore.” He can feel Yukio’s body tensed, but he has no intention of letting go yet, “What you saw was real. He’s not here anymore, he’s gone. It’s not a dream. I’m sorry for saying this, but you better accept the truth faster. There’s nothing you can do anymore.”

=====

What happened next, Yukio isn’t sure.

The last thing he remembers is when Imayoshi dropped him in his apartment and leave him alone to gather his thoughts. He only sits on the sofa, just sit and do nothing. The sound of birds chirping is what steals his attention, noticed his surroundings that he no longer in the hospital.

_He’s not here anymore, he’s gone._

He stands, walks around the house with no purpose, yet his eyes gaze upon every single thing that belongs to someone else. The other person he shared his living quarters with, the one he fought with, had lunch and dinner with, he sleeps with…

Daiki’s things normally scattered around, but now all are stored in their respective places. All because it’s been a while since he returns home. Yukio had nothing to do, and started tidying their apartment. As he grazes his hand on Daiki’s clothing, his magazine, the work stuff, random items, his heart aches as his longing is really hard to bear. He wants to see Daiki so much, yet he had no idea where he was.

Not that the only thing he has is what Daiki left in his apartment, he couldn’t help but realize how his heart has gone cold. Not numb yet, but cold. Unforgivingly stings. The stab he feels not coming from outside but inside. It tore him to pieces.

It’s like the reality just hit him now with the devastating fact.  
Knowing that Daiki will never go back anymore, it froze him from head to toe. The pain is great enough for him to cry a river, yet it’s too painful for the tears to come out.

He went to their bedroom. The sheet was changed yesterday. The whole place tidied up properly with no sign of any trash around, unlike when Daiki is usually home. With Daiki’s tendency of littering, he prone to scolds him with a light hit. Either it ended with them fake-fighting or glare competition, in the end, they will sit together and chill.

His gaze sweep around the room. There aren’t many photos of them together. Daiki prefers to put up big-busted models than their pictures. It’s a strange sight in their plain bedroom, yet now he no longer has the urge to tear it down. Everything inside, each of them which belongs to Daiki, is part of his own. The lingering of Daiki’s cologne in the air is the only thing reminds Yukio of him.

He can feel his mind, heart, and soul shattered.

===============


	3. EPILOG

The summer that year was especially harsh. It’s already past midnight, yet the humid air and lack of breeze unforgivingly sending a heat wave. Even outdoors, the pedestrian passing the road is all sweating like crazy.

Rarely visit the cemetery around this hour, the main reason why Yukio chooses to come right now. His steps are light and slow. His hand holding a small bouquet in blue. He’s not wearing the casual outfit for summer, but rather put on a fine, black suit adorned with a blue handkerchief in his pocket. A strange getup for someone visiting a grave, but who will protest? There’s no single soul around to even notice his presence.

He stopped in front of a grave, stares down at the tombstone for quite a while before he kneels and pays his respect. The bouquet in his hand gently placed above the stone. His thumb lightly rubs the name written, feeling each character, then moving down to the year carved right beneath.

It’s almost five years ago since he set foot in here.

Back then, he was too devastated to deal with reality. No need to say he was denied to attend the ceremony. Just right when he thought the worst has come, he was still not allowed to visit the grave even after months passed. He wasn’t allowed to mourn, to say goodbye, to pay his respects.

To touch him for the last time.

“Happy birthday.” Yukio’s voice is low, “I finally come to visit.”

His lips forming a thin smile, gentle ones. He sits there next to the grave, feeling the air as his eyes gaze on the stars above. He was ready to pour his heart out, yet when he finally got the chance, there’s nothing coming out. He questions himself whether it’s a good idea for coming, but knew the problem lies somewhere else.

“I’m not sure it matters, but… I’m fine now. I’m fine already.”

He exhales. It’s harder than he thought. And he’s not even trying to speak to a living person.

“There are a few things I want to say. I guess now is the right time to do it. For me. I mean, I need to sort out my feelings first before telling you. Even though I know I took too long. For that, I’m sorry.”

Another pause. Now the whole text somehow disappeared from his head. His mind playing the old record, the old memory of him, those were too distant and those Yukio still remembers as fresh as yesterday. The happy memories, the sad memories, the painful and sweet things.

The regrets.

“So, I… I didn’t have the chance to say it. Back then, I… I thought it’ll be like another day. Getting no response from you, I honestly got used to it. But I was fine, because I knew that… You were out there… Somewhere…”

Yukio stops. His eyes blankly staring at the now cloudy sky, trying hard to control his breath and heartbeat so he won’t turn weak again like he was. It’s a real hard work, he thought he can manage now after years have passed. Who knows he still struggles when the words really come out.

“But now… I know you’re no longer around. I mourn for you… longer than I thought I would. I guess I just… I mean, my feelings are much bigger, even after all these times.” Yukio lets out a faint smile, “But I’m fine now. I promised I will keep on living. It crossed my mind to follow you, but then how am I going to remember you? As hard as it is, I still want to remember. I don’t care if it’s painful. It doesn’t faze me anymore.”

_Daiki, can you hear me?_

“Your last text… I still have it on my phone. I can’t bear to erase it.” Yukio smiles bitterly, “I replied. But it’s left unread.” 

He exhales.  
This whole session of ‘letting go’ Imayoshi spoke about, as expected, he regrets doing it altogether. What’s the point when there’s no one to hear? What’s the point if the one he wants to speak to the most is no longer here?

Why he still coming, is not because he wants to let things go. To settle with himself, to say things which were buried deep. It’s not about Daiki anymore, but him. The one needs salvation the most is not the one leaving. it ‘s the one being left behind. To make peace, that’s not what he wants to do. He just…

“There’re more of it, I assume? I mean, I know you. We’re the same. There Are things we kept to ourselves. Just like how many I don’t tell, I’m sure you were too.”

“And now, there’s no way to hearing it anymore. There’s no way to… talk and such, the nonsense you used to make just so I won’t get mad.”

He exhales again.

“Above all, I… I just want to hear your voice once again…”

He remembers that particular day which never left his memory even as the other things fades away. After a while, in the most non-romantic way, the question fell out Daiki’s mouth. The confession which came out as a joke, typical of him. Now that Yukio thinks about it, he remembers how Daiki hid his flustered face as the words left his lips. They were both equally embarrassed, was stupid and young.

_‘Take your time,’_ Daiki said back then, _‘No need to rush. It’s important, so you better think about it carefully. I can wait.’_

“Sorry…” 

Yukio’s lips trembles as he tried hard to prevent any invisible tears rolling down from his eyes. It’s been too long, he knew he couldn't keep on hung upon over someone who no longer around. That’s not even the case. He wants to keep on remembering him, but the thought of that last proper conversation they had always hit him too hard. The regret doesn’t dissipate as time passed. It piled up, even.

“Sorry for… Not answering your question right away… Sorry for prolonging it… Sorry for… Everything…”

_Daiki, can you hear?_   
_I should’ve answered right away._

Yukio closes his eyes, recalling the event, recalling every single detail about him at that certain moment.

 

“How about…. You change your name? To mine. You know…. Stuff like that.”  
“What?”  
“You heard me.”  
“I heard you, but I don’t get it. What stuff?”  
“Well… Stuff…”  
“Yeah? Like what?”  
“Fuck, why do you make this hard? I’m proposing.”  
“......Ohh..”  
“Don’t ‘ohh’ me. Damn it, this’s fucking embarrassing.”  
“It’s too sudden. I don’t know how to react.”  
“You can try to answer.”  
“You don’t even ask properly. What if I misunderstood?”  
“Ergh, fine. Let’s… let’s get married.  
“.........”  
What’s with that face?”  
“No, just… I’m surprised you really saying it.”  
“The fuck you want??”  
“Sorry, sorry. I kinda caught off guard. Well, I… I’m still allowed to think about it, right?”  
“Well… I guess so. Okay, don’t think much about it. Take your time.”  
“...You sure?”  
“Yeah, take your time. No need to rush. It’s important, so you better think about it carefully. I can wait.”

 

“I will.”

Yukio opens his eyes. His gaze fixed on the name carved on that cold tombstone.

“I will, Daiki. Let’s get married.”

_Daiki, can you hear?_

“I love you.”

_I know it’s late._

“When you asked me, that’s my answer.”

_I just want you to know, even if it’s late._

“I love you, I still do even now.”

_Forgive me for saying it late._

“That’s why…”

_Do you hear everything I said?_

“Let me take your name…”

_You can hear everything…_   
_Right...?_

===============


End file.
